New babies

Its a funny time when you find out your partner is pregnant. For James and Anna I remember being excited and scared (with good reason). It was a very different story with Lara.

Lou and I hadn't been getting on fantastically and had been going to Relate (which was a bizarre experience on its own) We didn't know whether we were going to stay together, so when we found out Lou was pregnant we both felt sick - and it wasn't morning sickness! I couldn't get my head around having another baby. But, for the whole of the pregnancy we tried to be honest with each other about how we felt - even when it was the deep dread of not wanting a child, of having a trapped future with a partner we couldn't live with.

I think with about a month to go we stopped verbalising our fears - but in my head I was still very scared that I would resent the baby. Even after Lara was born and we had her back home remember still feeling mixed up, but I think we managed better after we got into a new baby routine.

Now, a year and a half on, that all seems a bit like a bad dream that happened to a more dysfunctional couple (if there is one haha). The whole experience strengthened us and cut through the relationship shit that builds up over the years. Lara is an absolute delight. She is the fun loving criminal that we need when we get caught up in our own banal life-shit.