My products of 2004

Good

Fiat Multipla 1.9JTD V(2000)

I love our car. Lou loves our car. The kids love our car. Nous luvacarons. Vous luvacarez.

I love the crazy way it looks, and I love what they were trying to do with it. We thought about getting a new style multipla but have you seen the way it looks? like a dull van. I think that our shape's looks will age well, as they'll still look similarly weird in 10 years time.

Its fun to drive - but gets a bit floaty round corners when its heavy. Its not long but WIDE and its a tardis. I fitted a sofa in it the other day no problem. I mean IN it, with a closed boot and everything. We're constantly amazed what you can get in. Its got 6 seats and good boot space. On long journeys we've taken to folding the middle seat at the front down and attaching the laptop on it with a belt so the kids can watch DVD's. Get us.

Like one of the family - I love it in spite of its imperfections. The inside coloring is a bit crap. Its a sea of maroon, a bit like the school disco in 1984. The seat belts ALWAYS get stuck in the doors, and the rubber bits around the doors periodically fall off.

That said if this one konks out I'll definitely consider getting another one of the latest ones of this shape. Did I mention that we love it?

Adidas A263 Shield with A741 rimless inserts

My specs are great. If anyone is thinking of getting a pair (HAHA) then get the Nikon thin lenses, whether you have a large prescription or not. The other ones look slightly worse from the side, and more annoyingly my eyelashes catch on them. Thats when I've glued them on and mascarared them up, of course. BOOM BOOM.

I've slightly modded the inserts for purely cosmetic reasons. I cut out the bridge between the two lenses - and I will probably do the same with curved bits on the side of the inserts as I don't think they offer any mor grip than just the plastic cushion at the front.

What they do that the joe 90's didn't was confuse the general public into validating the other crap that I'm wearing at the time - so they think i could be fashionable.

The other interesting side effect is the way people try to sell stuff to me. For instance, I was looking at caravans (YES CARAVANS, the latest um cool thing) on Sunday (THE LORD'S DAY! we are SLIDINGGGGGGG) and the man had been talking to us about this particularly cool German number, and looking at me he struck on an idea.

"Its very MODERN isn't it, not like the OLD TRADITIONAL TWEE type of caravan." Hmmm. The irony is it works! Bing bing - "Modern you say? Computer says yes". When I can find some batteries for the digi-camera I'll take a picture of me in my space-boy specs.

Fluoxetine hydrochloride

This year I took the advice of my doctor and started taking the no-frills brand of prozac. I've been suffering with mild depression since puberty, but I've been scared to take the happy pills. I didn't know what effect they would have. Would they change me? Would I get addicted? I also got scared about whether it was all part of being creative, and that I would lose that too, the only thing I like about me. In the end I got to a point where I didn't care what happened.

For me depression is not feeling down - its the absence of emotion. Its chronic tiredness. Its nihilism. Its the inability to enjoy anything. Its hating yourself for being like this. Not good news when you have a young family. I was a nightmare to live with.

The counselling I received was, in the main, pretty amateurish. When there is no great childhood story to follow up, or you feel the same whether your personal situation is good or bad, the counselling proves pretty annoying. The most bizarre thing about it was they could only offer counselling in business hours, they're obviously not expecting anyone who has a job to be depressed, and if you are depressed we'll try to make you lose your job by getting you to attend every week.

It seemed pretty obvious to me, with a long term problem like this that it was physiological not psychological. There has been a lot of comment about the prescription of SSRI's but I have nothing but good things to say about them.

I was sinking in the pool and was too tired to struggle to the surface. In fact I didn't care if I drowned or not. Like a life-jacket the SSRI's float you back to the surface. They don't get you to the side on their own, but they give you time and energy to do that yourself.

I've no doubt they helped saved my marriage and avoid the split up of our family. On bad days I still feel pretty nihilistic, but now I can say that I want to stay alive and I am enjoying being with the kids and Lou. Sadly, even though I can rationalise why I need them, I'm embarrassed about having to take these pills. In fact I feel a bit of a cunt, but better to feel a cunt than be a cunt.

Daniel Kitson

Funny man.

See him if you can.

Modal-rich briefs

You HAVE to get some of these. Make sure you get about 90% modal. Wearing these feels like your cock-n-balls are cupped firmly but delicately in the hands of a Malaysian princess. Trust me, if you haven't got any - GET SOME.

Bad

The house

Our house is like an adopted child thats gone off the rails. As much as I try to love and help it to heal, I get a nagging feeling that the roots of abuse and discontent are too deep for me to ever make a real difference. I'm resigned to damage limitation and I periodically regret the decision to take it on and resent the constant effort involved in trying.

Windows XP

Does anyone in Redmond use a laptop? After having a powerbook it as been a big disappointment. Compared to the instant wake of osx, xp sleep/resume functionality is absolutely shit. My particlar favourite is when it hibernates with low battery, so you plug it in, start to resume windows, put the kettle on, make a cup of tea, and when it finally comes back it gives you the message to plug it in because of the low battery. Aaggggghhh. Roll on the pb G5.